Blackbird

“Blackbird… singing in the dead of night…”

“Shhh… Nick.”

“…take these broken wings… and learn to fly..”

I touch my fingers to his lips. They’re dry and they don’t get any wetter when he licks them. “Nick, don’t. Save your strength, baby…” I tell him. His voice is dry too, and soft. His cheekbones seem to poke out of his face, I guess that’s because his cheeks are so sunken in. He has purple circles under his eyes and his skin is pale, and I’m losing him. Just like that. Could be any minute, could be any day.

His bony fingers squeeze mine. His hands are cold. “Play it for me.” Nick says and I nod, because no matter what he asks of me now, I’ll do it. I’ll do anything he wants. I get my guitar. I drop the guard rail on one side of his bed and I sit with him, one leg braced on the floor, the other bent with the guitar resting on it. It’s a little awkward, but its nothing compared to his discomfort.

I start to play, and he sings. We sing it, together.

“Blackbird singing in the dead of night/Take these broken wings and learn to fly/All your life/You were only waiting for this moment to arrive…”

I fumble one of the bar chords and he looks at me. I think he’s trying to smile, because I always flub that one. I’ll do it again on the next verse probably, too.

“Blackbird singing in the dead of night/Take these sunken eyes and learn to see/All your life/You were only waiting for this moment to be free…”

He starts to cough and I panic. I always panic, I’m no good at this stuff, this looking after people stuff… I’m scared. I hop up and put my guitar down on top of its case. He’s holding his hand out, which usually means he wants water, so I fill a cup and put it into his shaking fingers. I help him to sit up so he can drink it. There is blood when he coughs now, so I help him rinse his mouth out, but some of it got on his bib, so I change that for him too. When I lay him back down again, he’s exhausted, he closes his eyes. He’s had enough for today.

He’s had enough, period. Enough. I want it to stop now. I kiss his forehead and tuck him in, then raise the safety bar on the bed again.

“Blackbird fly…” I sing softly. “Blackbird fly/Into the light of the dark black night…”