Stranger in Paradise

Yesterday, upon the stair,
I saw a man that wasn't there.
He wasn't there again today,
How I wish he'd go away…


"Uhnnn…"

"Ah… uh… ohgod…"

"Yeah… ohyeah… god you're… uhn! Sooo hot …"

"… uhhh! Thanks…"

Thanks? The first time I've had sex with someone other than Nick in like *years* and I say 'thanks'?? Ugh! Like that's even remotely sexy. I mean, if you're gonna drive, you gotta be sexy.

"Ohgod… you feel… so good…"

Mmmm... Yeah. That's better.

* * * * * *

So I leave the apartment around 1:00 p.m., quietly, with nothing on me but my wallet. Not like there is ever anything in it, but I feel naked going out without it. I have no idea where to go, you know? I have even less idea what to do with myself for an entire day, and I'm too embarrassed to go back for my guitar. The street is crowded, which is when I remember that it’s Saturday afternoon. There are Princeton University students everywhere… engineering geeks, mathematics geeks, history and literature geeks… half of them speaking languages I have no hope of ever understanding.

Panera is packed, and anyway that’s Topher’s domain and I don't want to run into him. Talking seems like a bad idea, seeing as how my mouth has gotten me into so much trouble lately.

I sit on a bench on Nassau Street for a while watching all the students go by (and wishing I was 20 again) until I can't stand my own company anymore. I find myself wondering what Nick would do on a nice day like this, with a Saturday afternoon to kill… and what do you know? I suddenly have a Plan. I hop a bus to New Hope. One way bus fare is all I find in my pocket, so getting home will be interesting.

New Hope is just as crowded, only now there are boys everywhere… holding hands, peering in windows, sharing ice cream cones... So, ok, I think to myself, *now* what would Nick do? That answer is as easy as the first one. Nick would cruise. He liked to look, and he liked to be looked at. So I walk down the street trying to sort of channel Nick. I think about his confidence, the deliberate way he walked, the stony face with eyes hidden behind black-rimmed, slightly mirrored sunglasses… only… I'm a short boy in a white t-shirt, blue jeans and Birkenstocks… and my sunglasses are these cheap plastic Ray Ban wanna-be's.

Something in the back of my mind is telling me I look like a fool, but dammit if I don't get looks. A few more minutes of pretending I'm Nick and I've got boys checking out my ass, checking out my look, smiling at me and saying hello as I pass them. I've never felt this before. Not like this. I remember being cruised when I was with Nick, but I think that was more of a 'hey, look what he's got' (or maybe 'how did that twink get HIM') and this is more a 'hey look what I could have'. It's hot. I love it.

It's not helping me think over what I'm going to do about Rick, but it's good.

Until it gets me in trouble.

"Hi."

I barely hear the guy I'm so into my walk.

"Hey… hello…"

He's sort of walking alongside me now which is when I realize he's actually talking to me. You've never seen Mojo dissolve so quickly.

"Oh… " I say, as my possessed feet halt awkwardly. I pull off my cheap sunglasses and look at the guy. "S… sorry… in my own world…"

"That's OK." He smiles. He's young, about my height or maybe just a tad taller. He has perfect teeth… he must be from the fluoride generation.

"You dropped this." He says, holding out a dollar bill.

Ok, now how much money did I have when I paid the bus fare? Right. So no way was I dropping money. I recognize this right off as an adorable pick up line. "I did?" I ask, holding out my hand to take the bill he's offering me. Yeah, ok, it's not mine I know, but I do need bus fare home.

"Yeah… fell right out of your pocket. I'm Sean." He says to me, holding out his hand, and somehow, yet again I feel like I'm in a movie. "Hi Sean…" I say, shaking his hand with a grin. "I'm Sean."

"No way!"

"Yeap."

"Dude, that's so freaky… are you from here?"

This kid is good. For a dollar he's getting my vitals. "Princeton."

"Whoa… college town."

"Big time."

"How do you pay the rent?"

"Oh, you know… I don't." Why lie, right?

The other Sean laughed, and I found myself smiling. We're about a block away from where we were when he stopped me. When did we start walking again?

"I'm only in town for, like, two days. You wanna show me around?"

"Where are you from?"

"St. Louis."

"Alright, Sean from St. Louis…" I grin. "Buy me lunch and you get a tour." And we finish off the afternoon with Sean's mini-tour of all things gay and fabulous in New Hope.

* * * * * *

I lift one hand and hook my fingers around Sean's hip. He's got a great ass… tight, round, smooth… I mean he can't be more than 22 so you know, he's perfect. He's willing and wanting and begging me for more and suddenly… I'm Nick again. I'm confident and I'm pure heat and I want this kid. I grunt and tease Sean with long slow strokes, and he moans and whimpers.

"Yeah…" I breathe, leaning over him more. "Like that…?"

"Yesyesohgodyes…"

I'd forgotten how powerful the right words can be.

I narrow my eyes and look at his back, watching the muscles move as he arches and breathes. He rolls his head back and gasps, and then lets it fall again. I tense my hips and thrust as evenly as I can manage, and everything different. I think I'm seeing what Nick saw… as Sean moves and begs with his body, gripping the pillow with white knuckles.

"Sean…" I hear him moan, and it brings me back to the task at hand.

"Mmm…" I reply, and am pulled, like, beyond myself, you know? Out of myself and into this beautiful body beneath me. "Yesyes… sogood Sean, so fucking good…"

"I… I…" Sean's panting now and I know what he's trying to say.

"Do it… go…" I order in a huskier voice than I knew I was capable of.

"Yesyesplease… Ahh!" Sean gasps and arches up to me, his body tenses and I can feel him come… oh my god it's amazing, and he gets so tight I can hardly breathe myself as I follow instantly, on cue, as if it was mean to be that way.

Wow. It's not like it's the best sex I've ever had or anything… but it's one of the most intense on my list for sure… and since Sean is only the second person I've fucked, it's got special significance.

After discreetly disposing of my condom (the one thing I did – thankfully – happen to have in my wallet) I slide alongside him and drape an arm over his back. He turns his head and smiles, and then he kisses me softly. It's sweet. He doesn't say anything, he just lays his head on my shoulder and closes his eyes.

It feels good, being close to somebody, so I decide to stay for a while. I guess I fell asleep though, because when I open my eyes again, it's dark in the room. The other Sean, in all his young adorable naked glory, is sound asleep on his tummy facing me, with his hair is all pushed up on one side and his pillow is on the floor.

Time to go.