Trespasses, Part I

"Dave! Hey, Dave, how are you? Listen… I uh… I'm calling from my kitchen..."

That's about all Dave needs to hear to know I'm in trouble. I hear a gasp of horror on the other end of the line.

"...I was sort of stupid enough to think that maybe a second generation Irish immigrant could pull off Italian Ragu 'like mama made in the old country'…"

At the moment there are things burning and exploding and making a huge mess all over Nick's kitchen. It's Valentine's Day. I'm panicked.

"It shouldn't surprise you that I would…"

I'm trying to keep the nervous breakdown edge out of my voice as we talk. I'm counting on the fact that Dave has no life (and therefore no Valentine's date) to save me.

"Oh great. You wouldn't mind? You're the best, Dave. Perfect, see you in a few minutes, thank you!" Saved. I hang up the phone and stand running my burned finger under cold water and wincing at the mess. I'm maybe the most kitchen-inept gay man on the planet. All my friends can cook. Me, if I look at something sideways, it burns. I can burn water.

It’s not long before Dave arrives, and bless him, he is armed. He hands me a bottle of wine.

“Dave…” I whine.

“How long do we have until your boyfriend gets here?”

“Two hours…” I say with that whine again.

Dave halts in the doorway to the kitchen. “Oh. My. God.”

I really can’t tell you how fucking embarrassed I am. “Yeah.”

Dave looks at me. “You. Sit there," he points to the kitchen table, "with your wine. I don’t want you getting up under any circumstances.” I obey because.. well my god look what I’ve done to Nick’s kitchen! Dave turns his disbelieving eyes on me "What possessed you…?"

"I wanted to do something nice for him…?" I sigh, the mope. I'm such a geek.

"Sean, how many times have I told you that you should never attempt anything more complicated than cold cereal without supervision?"

I pour myself some wine. Fortunately, I know that things can only get better now that Dave is here.

"...and Ragu of all things."

"Nick's Italian!"

"Which is exactly why you don't make him Italian food. It'll never be as good as his mothers."

"I need more wine." I sigh, and top off my glass. Why me?

But Dave is a god. An hour or so later things are more under control. Stuff is bubbling away in a big tall pot on the stove. Dave is washing dishes. He even let me leave my seat in order to scrub the kitchen floor.

“I don’t know what I would have done if you weren’t home tonight, Dave.”

“You would have been strangled on Valentine’s Day by your boyfriend." Dave says. "I'm glad you could benefit from my pathetic lack of a date."

Yeah OK, I feel bad now. "You uh… you could stay…?" But Dave's not an idiot, he knows I'm just being nice.

"Thanks but I've seen your bruises." He jokes, moving the meatballs around in Nick's deep frying pan with a wooden spatula. "Alright, listen. You think you can handle this?"

I get up and go over to the stove to peer into the frying pan.

"You stir these around until they're brown on all sides, alright?" Then you add them to the sauce in that big pot where we put the sausage alright? It has to simmer for another hour after that. Ok?"

I nod slowly. Brown the meatballs, don't burn them. This might be harder than Dave imagines. But at least the floor is clean.

"You sure now?"

I nod again. No, I'm not, but geez, Dave can't stay all night.

"Alright then. I'm outta here." Dave says, stepping away from the frying pan and handing me the spatula. He watches me for a moment as I attempt to move the meatballs around so they won't burn.

"Have fun tonight, Sean." Dave says with a smile, and kisses me on the cheek.

"Thank you for coming to my rescue, Dave." I say sincerely.

"Someone had to." He laughs and heads for the door.

Trespasses, Part II

Yes, that's me. Trusty Dave; watcher of small fluffy yappy dog while Topher is off on vacation in the Bahamas, mighty hunter of last minute forgotten birthday card for Jon to give to his new boy, rescuer of Sean, overwhelmed by the chemistry that is cooking.

I hate my life.

I can count my actual dates on one hand. I'd like to be able to meet men. I'd like to be able to walk through a bar or a club and smile at someone and say 'hey, you're hot, let's fuck'. But I just can't do it.

I don't know if I'm too shy, or too phobic, or what my problem is. My therapist (yes, I have a therapist, thankyouverymuch…) told me that I needed to start small. I've done that. I started by saying hello to the boy behind the counter in Panera.

"Can I help you?" he said.

"Hello." I said. I even managed a smile. And then, after he stared at me, I remembered that I should probably order something. "Um… black coffee and a biscotti?"

"No problem." He said.

And that was the whole conversation. Well at least I said hello, right? Trouble is, I'm pretty much stuck permanently at 'hello'. I have no idea what to say to a guy after that, and even if I did, I don't know that I could say it.

This little social disorder of mine pretty well explains the rather extensive collection of pornography and toys-for-one I have cluttering up my little one bedroom apartment. And my psycho-dependence on the big screen TV to smooth along the orgy in my mind. Is there anything wrong really, with living out one's fantasies… solo? I mean, if I like my porno boys and my butt plugs and my little vibrating wand, is that a crime?

Anyway, I remember that Valentine's Day well. Poor Sean was a complete wreck. When I arrived, he was covered head to toe in tomato paste. I don't know how he did it. I mean, I might be a social misfit, but even I can make meatballs. The kitchen looked like he'd tried to mix the ingredients on the floor. And on the countertops. And on the stove. Oh my god, you have no idea.

I think in the end that Sean was pleased with how I fixed things up for him. It wasn't perfect, but it smelled good and Nick might have actually believed Sean did it all himself.

...if it weren't for the fact that Nick walked into the apartment as I was walking out.

I didn't know Nick then, not really. I'd seen him around, but we hadn't ever been introduced. I knew Sean pretty well because we'd gone to school together, but I really only saw Sean when Nick wasn't around. Come to think of it, in those days I saw quite a lot of Sean, so Nick must have been frequently absent. Hm. Funny, it didn't seem odd then, everyone knew they were open, but I guess it's sort of telling when you know your friend's been dating a guy for years and yet you've never been introduced.

Anyway, so I had my hand on the doorknob when it turned and Nick pushed it open. I took a catch step to keep from being hit by the door. He looked as surprised to see me as I was to see him.

"Hello there." He said to me, and smiled. He did have a nice smile, Nick. I have to give him that. Very engaging.

"H…Hi." I managed to say as I caught my balance.

“I’m Nick.” He said and he stuck out his hand.

“Dave.” I said probably too softly as I took his hand and gave it a tentative squeeze. I could feel my heart pounding.

“Dave. Are you a friend of Sean’s?” Nick hadn’t let go of my hand yet.

“Yeah. I was just helping him with… he’s trying to… you know what, I should go.”

“Alright, Dave.” Nick said and let my hand go finally. I remember my palms were sweating. I’ve always been so bad at meeting new people. “Nice to meet you.”

“You too… Nick. Bye.” I babbled and let myself out.

As first meetings go, that seemed pretty innocuous I suppose. But the very next afternoon I ran into Nick again; this time on my turf… Spies… an adult book store where I got most of my porn at the time. I’ve been thinking a lot about that day lately, running it over in my mind, wondering what posessed me. I guess that’s why I remember it like it was yesterday. Nick’s hair was spiky and blue that day, and he was wearing black jeans and a tight, ribbed, black sweater. I felt his eyes on me as he came down the aisle toward me, not even pretending to be looking at the shelves.

“David.”

“Oh… uh, hey Nick.” I said, looking up at him. I remember feeling slightly embarrassed because at the time I was holding a copy of Steel, a movie which was new at the time and now holds a special place among my favorite over-watched turn-on flicks.

“Seen that yet?” Nick asked me, and I shook my head no. “You gonna buy it?” He asked in response and I nodded. Damn right I was going to buy it, I’d been waiting for a month for its release.

“Invite me back to your place to watch it with you.” Nick practically purred at me.

You have to understand, this kind of shit doesn’t happened to me. It never had before. I’m always the geek that everyone knew was buying porn to take home and whack off to. I had socially inept freak written all over me and yet here was Nick, coming on, stepping so close I could smell his aftershave. I never even thought about Sean.

You’re damn right I took him home. I brought him right into the thick of my fantasy den and he loved it. He perused my titles while I set up Steel.

“You’re quite the connoisseur of this stuff, eh, David?”

That was the other thing. The way Nick said “David”... as if I had given him permission to use my full name. As if he’d claimed it. Nobody ever called me David, but the way Nick said it I didn’t want him to stop.

“Actually, yeah. I have a real collection. I mean I think some of these things are so rare that…” But I never got to finish my sentence because Nick’s lips pressed into mine. I was surprised but not so much so that I didn't remember to hit play on the VCR while I returned his kiss.

I know what Sean saw in Nick. I know what Nick's solid pecs and his narrow hips felt like to the touch. I know what his spell was like. He was rougher than I’d expected, all hands and mouth and tugs and tears as he removed my clothing. I was hard before the first kiss was done. He just about knocked the wind out of me when he shoved me onto the bed but I moaned with what little breath I had left and gasped, pulling myself up onto it, wondering how it was he’d gotten me bare so quickly.

I watched him undress with such attention that I missed the beginning of my new film.

Nick was older than I was, but in great shape and he had a creamy white ass where his swimsuit obviously lay against his nearly hairless skin. He had big hands, a pierced nipple and a tattoo of tiger that wrapped around his upper arm.

Nick turned around to take in a little of the film. I looked passed him to the TV, but my eyes wandered back to him as he gripped himself. It wasn’t often I had a real man in my room, and I couldn’t keep my eyes off of him. I watched him stiffen in his own hand as he gave himself a few good hard pulls.

When Nick climbed up on the bed with me I forgot about the film completely. All the moans and groans and exclamations coming from the speakers became his sountrack, his backdrop. Nick was huge, or so it seemed as he hung over me. He lowered his mouth to my chest and sucked on a nipple with just the barest pinch of teeth. It sent fire through my body and down into my cock and I moaned.

He laughed at me.

“You’re easy to please, David.”

I didn’t answer him. I was easy to please. He smelled good and his skin was warm… he could have said anything... done anything and I would have enjoyed it.

More the fool, I.

Eventually, I was on my tummy. Nick was leaving marks on my shoulders with his teeth and his erection pressed into my thigh. I was so hard I was starting to feel like I might come before he fucked me, but I swallowed it back, kept myself in check. I was hot… my skin was sensitive to the touch and I was panting and begging him to fuck me. He hadn’t let me touch him at all, which I found so fucking frustrating. I arched my ass up and groaned.

“Nick...pleasefuckmegodineedit…” I babbled, nearly incoherent. I felt him fumble a little, and heard him sigh.

“Got a rubber, David...?” His voice was husky and dark, and for the first time I started to feel his own need taking hold of him.

I didn’t have one. Why would I need condoms when all I ever did was pull myself off?

“Don’t have… do it.” I heard myself say and I pressed back against him again.

“Sure?”

“Fuck! Come on!” Was I sure? No, I wasn’t sure, my brain had nothing to do with that decision whatsoever. All I know was that I wanted Nick in me. I didn’t want to wait… I didn’t want to deal with precautions or prudence… I wanted him to nail me to the bed.

And he did. Looking back on it now, it was definitely one of the best fucks of my life.

Fuck. It damn well better have been.

Trespasses, Part III

Sean

I hadn’t expected to find Dave sitting at the bar. He’s not really the bar type, usually. I think he’s really shy or something. But it’s nice to see a familiar face all the same.

“Hey.” I say as I take the bar stool next to him. I’m guessing by his lack of reaction that he didn’t hear me over the music. “Dave?” I say a little louder, and this time I make him jump.

“Oh. Hi, Sean, sorry… stuck in my own head I guess.” He says. His eyes betray his level of alcohol consumption. Not drunk yet really, but pretty buzzed by the look of him.

“Nice to see you out.” I reply, and give him a friendly pat on the back.

“I needed some air.”

A sweaty, stuffy, dance club doesn’t seem like the place to go for air, but I keep that to myself. “How are you?” I ask, because I get the feeling something's on his mind.


Dave

Fuck. Why did he have to walk in right now? I mean, why at this moment, on this day, at this fucking hour of all times? God, he’s the last person I wanted to see right now.

Then again, my therapist would say that perhaps I should be asking myself what possessed me to go and sit at a bar, in a club where I knew I would likely run into people I know, in the first place? I should have just gone home. But I wanted a drink. Or three.

And now Sean is here. Perhaps it’s fate. Perhaps I’m meant to tell him. I do want to actually, have wanted to for some time, I’ve just never figured out how, and we haven’t had a lot of time on our own together since Nick passed away anyway so…


Sean

Dave looks at me oddly after I ask how he is. I’m not good at the whole reading emotions thing, but I can tell he's not right. It doesn’t seem like he really wants to talk about it though, so I figure I’ll just back off and I order a beer.

“Rolling Rock, please?”

“Sean…”

I look at Dave. Maybe he feels like talking after all.

“Sean, I know this is none of my business, but… your last test…?”

"My HIV test?"

Dave nods.

OK, I was a little over-sensitive the last time everyone asked me that, I admit it. It’s a totally normal question on the dating scene… a lot of guys ask. I don’t know why it’s gets my hackles up to answer Dave, I don’t know why so I just tell him. “I’m negative, Dave. I’m fine. Honest.”

Dave kind of stares at me and then looks down at his drink and nods.

“I’m glad.” He says, almost so softly I can't hear him.

“Hey. Dave. Listen, are you alright?” I lean in a little closer. “Dave?”

He shakes his head no.


Dave

No, I’m not fucking alright. I’m drunk. And it’s not fair. I sleep with the man once and I’m fucking sick, and you spend years with him and you’re fine? But then you’re Sean, aren’t you? Adorable, perfect, everybody wants to fuck you, Sean. You never need to put yourself at risk because you’re desperate for someone real to touch you. I’ve seen how guys look at you on the dance floor, I know what they’re thinking. Nobody looks at me that way. Nick never looked at me that way, not even the night I let him…

I swallow the rest of my whiskey in one go. I can’t do this alone, this HIV thing. Nick had Sean, but… but I have nobody. Nobody.


Sean

Dave polishes off his drink in like one big gulp, and pushes away from the bar.

“Gotta go.” He says, but he seems drunk enough now that I really don’t want him stumbling off alone. I reach for him to keep him from spinning himself right off the bar stool.

“Dave, come on, what is it? Why not get it off your chest?”

“Off my chest.” Dave repeats. He’s leaning on my arm and looking into my eyes. Hazel. I’ve been friends with him for years and I've never noticed he had hazel eyes. How odd. “Nick came to see me after he found out he was positive…” Dave says slowly.

You can bet he got my attention.

“What? He came to see you?” Nick never told me he was positive but he told Dave?

“Take me home, I’ll tell you.”

“I don’t think so Dave, you tell me right here.”

Dave raised an eyebrow at me. I guess I ticked him off. Well so the fuck what if I did anyway?

“Fine! In that case I’m having another fucking drink.” Dave shoves his whiskey glass at the bartender and turns back around to face the bar. I’m hanging on every word now. I can’t believe that Dave might have the answers I’ve been looking for.

“He came to see me after he got his results. I don’t think he wanted to tell me but... he had to. I think maybe he wanted to find out if I gave it to him.”

Dave could have stopped talking right there. What else did I need to know really? Dave slept with Nick… one of the few people I would have expected to say no to him… and clearly, something happened to make it not safe. Damn it, Dave! And you never fucking told me even though you knew…!

So, I guess I want to know what Nick wanted to know, too.

“Did you give it to him, Dave?” I ask, trying to keep my emotions in check. Might as well know everything.

“No.”

I nod. Well that’s something anyway.

“He gave it to me.”

I stare at him. No way. Not Dave. “Oh my god.” Yeah, I’m upset with him. I’m fucking angry actually, but then he tells me that Nick gave him… I mean it’s like my own worst fears come true, you know? I can't stay mad at him when he's... and if Dave got it from Nick... oh fuck. I swallow hard. “Dave… are you sure? Did you get a second test? How do you know it was Nick?”


Dave

How do I know? It’s a pretty simple deduction when you figure I’ve only ever had sex with another person a handful of times and only one of those was unprotected. Yeah, Nick gave it to me. So what? I deserve it for screwing around with him in the first place. I should have said no in the video store. I shouldn’t have let it get any further, but that look… he wanted me and I needed so badly to be wanted. I’d have done anything… risked everything…

I guess I did, huh? Risk it all. Gambled my life away without an ace up my sleeve. I’m dead. One fuck and my life is over.

I can’t handle Sean’s sympathy. I want him to be angry. I want him to tell me what an asshole I am, how a real friend would have kept his fly zipped… and how a real friend would have told him about the HIV even if Nick had told him not to.

I’m not a real friend. I have no real friends. I have nothing real at all except this infection.


Sean

“Of course I’m fucking sure.” Dave spits the words at me and gulps back another whiskey. He needs to go home. Shoulds taken him up on it when he asked me before. All this alcohol and his infection…

“Dave, let me take you home now.”

“Fuck you.”

“Look, don’t get all pissed off at me, dude, I’m not the one that fucked my friend’s boyfriend, ok?”

Dave stops short. Shit. Those hazel eyes look so hurt when he looks at me. I shouldn’t have said that, even if it is true... even if I am pissed off at him. That was just plain mean. The guy is sick for Christ’s sake.

“Dave… I’m sorry. Dave!”

But Dave is already moving again, heading for the door on his own. I follow him, try to take his arm but he pulls it from me and falls against the door of a cab. I reach to help him with the door handle but he bats my hand away.

“You’re the golden boy, huh? You have fucking everything, don’t you? Fucking spoiled, rotten bastard.”

I’m so stunned by Dave’s words that I just stare at him as he falls into the cab, clocking his head on the door frame as he does so, and pulls the door closed behind him.

Trespasses, Part IV

You’re the golden boy…

I don’t know David very well. Sure, we went to school together but he was an art major so we weren't in many classes together, and he’s always kept his life to himself, you know? We hung out some, went to bars, but he didn’t talk about himself much.

So what the fuck is that supposed to mean? I don’t understand. What did I do? What the fucking hell did *I* do, exactly? I’m not to blame here, it’s not my fault he’s positive, it wasn't me that made the bad decisions… I mean, yeah OK that boyfriend comment was mean of me to say, but he did tell me to fuck off first, you know? Fuck. I have every right to be angry with him… the things he knew and should have told me… and didn’t.

I’m pretty, Dave. Is that a crime? So I’m healthy too… at this point that’s just luck… So I don’t get it, Dave. Why take it out on me?

Lying here in the dark like this, isn’t helping either. I can’t sleep. I’m scared. I’m scared for Dave, I’m scared for me… I’m just… fucking scared. It’s after three in the morning now… Dave left me standing outside the club around nine… and I only just turned in. I tried to go back into the club and dance for a while… have another drink… but it was too loud and I needed to think, you know? I was really hoping Rick would be home when I got here, but surprisingly, he wasn’t. I heard him come in around two, and he wasn’t alone. Good for him.

I put on Nick’s pajamas again. I thought maybe it would help me understand him… understand this… but I still don’t have any answers. I made macaroni and cheese… that’s what mom would do… ‘here baby, have some mac&cheese…’ comfort food, Rick calls it; seems to cure all ills. But it’s just sitting in my stomach like lead.

Golden boy…?

Suddenly, I hear the treble-heavy voice of Elvis singing "All Shook Up". That’s my phone. Instead of ringing it sings at me and this little plastic Elvis dances with his guitar until I pick the phone up. I answer it quickly because, although I love Elvis, it’s maybe the most annoying phone in the world.

“Hello?” I say quietly for no good reason. If Rick and his friend were going to wake up Elvis would have done a fine job of it already. My voice isn’t going to wake them. But you know how it is, answering the phone in the dark, you feel like you should whisper.

“Thankyouverymuch…” Elvis croons at me and I roll my eyes.

The other end of the line is silent except for some breathing.

“Hello?” I say again, but there’s nothing except silence on the other end. “Fucking crank call at 3:00am?” I say a bit louder. “Hello?”

“Sean.” The voice on the other end is hoarse.

“Hello? Who is this?” Whoever it is just stopped me from hanging up.

“It’s Dave. I… I'm bleeding...”

“What? Dave?” I sit up in the dark. Did he say bleeding? His voice sounds calm, but that fear in me that I've been trying to forget all night just gets worse. "Dave? What's going on? Are you ok?"

“I've changed my mind, Sean. Can you come over?”

Fuck. I’m pretty dense, but I don’t need a hint for this one. My heart starts to race. “Dave… Dave what did you do? Dave?” I can hear him breathing into the phone on the other end. His voice is eerily child-like, soft and high.

"I cut myself, Sean. It didn't even hurt, really, but I … I think I made a mistake. Do you think it's too late? Sean? "

I cover the phone and shout… “RICK!! Rick! Help! Fucking get in here, RICK!”

“I shouldn’t have… I don’t wanna… I don't wanna die, Sean…" He starts to sob on the other end. "I'm sorry, I shouldn't have called you… I'm sorry, Sean…" He's apologizing through his tears. I'm afraid he's going to hang up.

“Dave? Dave you stay on with me, OK? Listen to me… Dave? It's not too late, baby, ok? You don't have to be sorry… OK? Dave?”

I hear him sigh on the other end and the sobs get softer. I get up and make my way toward the door, as far as Elvis will let me go. “RICK!” I shout again, but he must have heard me the first time because he and his… whoa… gorgeous friend… come busting out of his room half-dressed.

“Sean? What is it, are you alright?”

I hold my hand up to quiet him. “Dave. I’m coming over, alright? I'm coming right now. I’m going to put Rick on the phone, ok baby? Dave? You there?” It’s quiet… that scares me more than anything. I can feel the panic in my chest. “Dave!”

“Sean?” It’s quiet but he’s there, thank god.

“I’m coming, Dave. Stay with Rick. I’m coming.” I look a Rick. “Dave cut his wrists…”

“What?”

“Keep him on the phone I’m going over…”

That’s all the time I have for Rick, but he’s so much better about these things than I am. He takes my phone and I can hear him talking calmly to Dave as I pull on jeans and shoes and a sweatshirt.

Rick’s friend pulls out a cell phone and dials 911. Of course. What a fucking moron I am. What did I think I was going to do? Save Dave myself?

“Address?” He says to me.

“5072 Pine Street. Apartment… oh god… umm…”

“Apartment 2B.” Rick tells his friend in that same calm voice. My hero. Again.

“Got it." He finishes the call. "Ambulance is on the way.” The guy looks at me. “You want a ride? He asks, as I head for the door.

“Yes! Yes please, do you mind?”

“Fuck no, come on.”

The guy drives like a bat out of hell, and I am so grateful I can’t begin to tell him. He seems to know where we’re going because he never asks me for directions, and when we arrive at Dave’s building, I get out and run. He’s on the second floor, toward the back, and when I get there, like an idiot, I knock.

“Fuck that.” My new savior says and pulls me out of the way. A big, booted foot flies past me and into the door which slams open. He grunt with the impact. “Go.” He says to me, since I am momentarily stunned by his efforts.

Right, go. Find Dave, my brain helpfully orders my body which is slightly shaking. “Dave!” I shout and head for the bathroom. Don’t suicides always happen in bathrooms on TV? I can hear the sirens out on the street now. “Dave!” I poke my head in but the bathroom is empty. “Dave!” I shout and make my way down the hall toward his tiny kitchen.

Which is where I find him. Naked, sitting on the floor with the phone in his lap. His eyes are open and there is blood everywhere. He looks at me.

The guy I’m with lunges for him, I assume to try to stop the bleeding but I yank him back. “Wait!” I shout at him and he pulls up short. That’s when the paramedics appear.

“Movemovemove!” They say to us and we get bumped and hustled into the hallway.

“He... he’s positive!” I shout so they can hear me. They nod. They ask me his name. They pull on gloves and masks and put a pressure bandage on his arm. They talk to him but I can’t hear them very well. My ears are ringing and my vision tunnels, and everything suddenly goes black.

 

Trespasses, Part V

Pink Floyd. I’ve got a seatbelt on.

“Coming around?” A voice asks me. It’s not familiar. “Sean?” No, wait, it is familiar.

“Uh?” I reply, which was meant to be interpreted as ‘where am I and what happened?'

“It’s me, Marcellus.”

Marcellus? Marcellus…

“Friend of Richard's…? Drove you to Dave's apartment...”

Richard? Oh. Rick. Oh yeah, I remember now… Oh god. Dave. I open my eyes to look at Marcellus and everything comes back to me in a sort rush of anxiety. “Where is he? Is he alright?” Not again. Not another funeral, not another grave. Please. I'll make a deal with you god, I will. Just please, not Dave too. “Did I fucking faint? Are you kidding me?”

“Take it easy Sean." Marcellus says to me in a silky voice. "We’re on our way to the hospital, Dave was unconscious when he was put into the ambulance, I called Rick and he’s on his way to meet us, and yeah, you fainted.”

"God…" I say, and run my hands over my face. I look at Marcellus. Like, really look at him for the first time all night. Beautiful chocolate-brown skin, hair in short twists, and he’s wearing jeans and a beat up athletic-style jacket with a paramedic’s badge sewn into the shoulder. That explains a few things. "You're a… well. No wonder you were helpful…"

"I've seen this a few times." He tells me in a tone that suggests it's been more than a few.

"How does it usually turn out?" I ask, but I'm not really asking, just blowing off steam.

"Every case is different."

"Very tactful." I sigh.

"He only got one wrist."

I look at Marcellus. "He changed his mind…" I say, still sort of stunned about that.

"We're here." The car stops by the Emergency Room doors. "Go ahead in, I'll park."

"You're a gem, Marcellus. Rick is very lucky." I say, taking of my belt and opening the door.

"He's just a friend." Marcellus says. I look back at him.

"Rick's one of a kind." I tell him.

"Yeah, I know."

I hold Marcellus's eyes for a moment. That exchange was so… well I don't have time to think about it. I get out of the car and shut the door and Marcellus pulls away.

I've no sooner gotten through the automatic doors than I hear my name. "Sean!" The emergency room isn't terribly crowded, and I spot Rick coming towards me right away.

"How is he?"

"I don't know yet."

"Rick…" I steps forward and press my forehead into Rick's chest.

"I know, Sean. We just have to wait. Where's Marc?"

"Marc? Oh he's is parking the car."

Rick nods. "Sean, is there anyone we should call? Do you know?"

I pull away from Rick a little and look up at him. "God, I don't know. His parents are in like, Madison or Chatham or something I think... up that way."

"That's not really helpful."

"Fuck, I know. I don't know, Rick, he's so… quiet."

"Mr. Parish?" A voice says from behind me. Rick looks over my head.

"Yes."

"I'm Dr. Wu. You're here with David Stoddard, yes?"

"Yes. How is he?"

I don't want to know. I move away from Rick and hug my arms around myself. I don't even want to look at the doctor.

"He's still unconscious. He lost a good deal of blood, but I'm fairly confident he's out of the woods."

"Oh. Oh that's excellent news. Thank you, doctor."

"Out of the woods?" I repeat, and turn reluctant eyes on Dr. Wu.

"This is Sean Dugan. He's a very close friend…"

The doctor nods at me. "At this point, I'm optimistic." He clarifies for me. "Barring any unforseeable complications, physically he's going to be alright. His HIV status is cause for some concern, but he's otherwise in good condition at this point. …"

I don't really follow anything he's saying, except that he's going to be alright. I look at Rick. "He's gonna live." I say, as a rush of relief washes through me. I press myself to Rich and hug him tightly. "He's going to be OK. Oh thank god, thank god."

The doctor continues the rest of his conversation with Rick. Dave's blood loss was significant but the transfusions should be sufficient… he'll wake up when he's ready… he's being admitted for evaluation and a psychiatric consultation… who should they call as next of kin. By the time the doctor leaves us I've soaked the front of Rick's shirt with tears.

"Was that Dr. Wu?" Marcellus asks. But he's not coming from outside, he's coming down the hall from the back of the ER.

"Yeah." Rick answers him, rubbing my back.

"He's very experienced, Dave is lucky."

"Where are you coming from?"

"Oh, I was finding out where they took Dave. I've gotten us permission to go up and see him, though technically we're not supposed to so we have to be very low key."

"Oh Marc, you're the best."

I look at Marcellus with red eyes. "Really? We can see him?"

"The nurse said he's gonna be OK, Sean." Marcellus assures me.

"Oh. I know Dr. Wu told us. I just… I'm so… relieved."

"Come on."

We follow Marcellus down a long, deserted hall, through a doorway and up a set of stairs. Dave's room is in the middle of a short hallway, almost directly across from the nurses' station. When Marcellus stops in the doorway, I squeeze past him and go straight to Dave's bed. The guards are up so he doesn't fall out, and his left forearm is wrapped in thick white bandages and tied to his chest with a sling. His other wrist has a blue hospital ID bracelet on it. The bracelet has his name and his social security number typed on it, and "HIV+" is hand-written in red pen written on the band.

Dave looks pale and ill lying there. He has dark circles under his closed eyes and his brown boy-cut is all unruly. He looks so young for some reason; young, and vulnerable.

We stand there for a while in silence, Rick on one side of the bed and I on the other. I have no idea how much time has gone by when Rick finally reaches over the guard rail and takes Dave's uninjured hand in his.

"We're here, Dave. We love you." He says, bringing tears to my eyes again.

"Yeah, we love you, Dave." I add, leaning over to kiss his forehead.

"Why don't you go home, Sean? He's not going to wake up anytime soon…"

Leave? Me? "No… no I have to be here."

"Sean. You're a wreck." Rick says in a sort of stern but kind tone. "You'll be more good to him tonight after some rest. I'll stay the day, you go home and gets some sleep and come back later."

"But what if he wakes up?"

"I'll be here. I'll call you."

He's not wrong. I am exhausted. "Promise?" I ask, and Rick nods at me.

"I promise, Sean. Get a shower, catch a nap, and eat something. You can have the night shift."

Yeah, OK. I can deal with that. Rest a little and then come back and stay for a while. OK.

"I'll drive you home. I have to pick up my some stuff anyway."

"You think Roger's kicked his buddy out yet?" Rick asks Marcellus.

"He better have or I'm gonna walk right in on them. I'm not sharing a bed with you again tonight, you snore."

"Ingrate." Rick gives Marcellus a wink. I yawn. "Go on with Marc, Sean."

I nod. All of a sudden I feel like I could fall asleep on my feet. And in fact, I remember very little of the drive home.