Waking

So what? So I've got a smile on.
It's hiding the quiet superstitions in my head.
Don't believe me when I say I've got it down.
~John Mayer

I take one look a Dave and nearly jump out of my skin. Fuckin'-A, when did he open his eyes?! For a second I'm in some horror movie where one moment you think the guy's dead and then next his eyes pop open…only without the scary music.

I wince. Ok, yeah, comparing Dave to a corpse isn't funny. Got it.

I'm speechless. I'm not ready for this. I thought I would have a couple of hours to sit here and decide on the perfect thing to say to Dave when he woke up. In true Dave fashion, he beats me to it.

"Sean?" He says, his voice is hoarse and dry. My first reaction, before I even think to answer him, is to reach for the water pitcher by his bed.

"Hey, Dave."

I pour some water for him and sort of awkwardly hold the cup in my hand, watching him. He's reclining a bit so it'd be hard for him to drink, plus he's closed his eyes again, which makes me wonder if I was hallucinating a moment ago. But then he sighs heavily and opens them again. "Hospital?" He asks me.

"Yeah, um… ambulance came and got you…"

"You came to get me…"

"You remember that? Yeah, I did. How about some water?"

Dave nods. After several tries and about six apologies I finally find the button that raises Dave into a sitting position. I've got two words for you hospital bed designers. 'User Friendly'.

Dave holds out his… good hand… for the water and I give it to him.

"You feel weak or anything?"

Dave sucks down the whole glass of water. Apparently I called the nurse's station when I was hitting buttons on the bed because in walks the least attractive woman in the whole wide world. But you know what? She's fucking brilliant.

"So I hear you changed your mind?" She says to Dave, taking the water glass from him and setting it on the rolling tray. I cringe, taking a step forward to suggest that she take a flying leap.

"Yeah." Dave says, watching her. He doesn't seem the least bit offended, or upset. I freeze, watching him.

"Damn good thing too, you're way too handsome to waste on god." The nurse replies, leaning on the guard rail of his bed. Dave laughs weakly and smiles at her. Laughter. Twenty-four hours ago he was cutting his wrists and now he's laughing. "My name is Roxanne, did you need something, honey?" She asks, checking Dave's wrist for his pulse.

I interrupt. "I pushed the button by mistake."

"Ahhh… so you're not the sharpest knife in the drawer either, eh?" She grins at me and puts the back of her hand to Dave's forehead.

"He can't use a manual can opener." Dave chimes in. I stare at him.

Roxanne leans closer to Dave. "Maybe I should strap him to that other bed to keep him out of trouble?"

"Naked?"

Roxanne picks up Dave's chart and writes something on it. "Hey, whatever works for you."

Dave is smiling, I chuckle and shake my head and Roxanne gives me a pat on my arm. "Now that you know how, genius, call me if you boys need anything." She winks at me and leaves the room.

"She's funny." Dave says after she's gone, still smiling a little.

"I can so use a manual can opener." I reply, sticking out my tongue.

"Yeah, now. But I remember that time you walked around Nick's kitchen looking for the electric one."

"Those days are over, Dave, I'm a renaissance man now."

Dave stuck out his hand and took mine. "Thanks." He said simply. "I made a big fucking mistake, I don't know what I was thinking, I'm so sorry."

"You're a fucking idiot, Dave."

Dave nods and sighs.

"I should cut the other one for you after the scare you gave me."

"Scared myself."

"HIV is not an end, Dave. The docs say you're fine."

"But Nick…"

"You're not Nick."

Dave nods.

"Nick was stupid. Do yourself a favor and don't model yourself after him, alright? He was even more of an idiot than you are."

"You don't really mean that, Sean…"

"What? Oh… no, I'm sorry, Dave… you're not really an idiot…" I say suddenly losing my hold on the conversation.

"No. I mean about Nick."

My breath catches, and I have to look away. "Well? I don't know, Dave… maybe I do. I loved him but… about this…?"

"I just can't do this alone, Sean."

"You're not alone, Dave."

He nods. "Yeah, thanks."

I reach for my guitar and pull it from the soft case before climbing up on the end of Dave's bed. I tuck myself alongside his feet.

"Ohh… gonna play for me?"

"Yeah, and for me," I wink at him. But I'm not three chords into it before Dave's eyes close again.